Divine Lunacy

Before anything worth happening happens, I feel it is my civil duty ( to the society of me ) to point out that the title is obnoxiously long.

Yes, you read it right. I have a coke dealer now. Last week, I had a little talk with Aaron. ( “your mom” knows who he is… ) Nearly everyday, Aaron brings in a two liter bottle of soda. I am now in on this deal. I get 2-liters of coke on both Tuesday and Thursday. let the world rejoice, for a have a coke dealer.

Would you believe I have a coke whore as well? A lot of good that did… At lunch Tammy tried to steal my coke, which was no surprise. She trys everyday on the bus… Yesterday was different. She went for my 2-liter and succeeded. I then called her a coke whore. Apparently, girls don’t like being called whores. ( who knew? ). She didn’t say anything about it immediately, but on the bus she wouldn’t talk to me. Then she tried beating me up with a notebook, which went well, overall. The only problem was the teacher stalking the bus… She stalked us all the way to the middle school. The she came on the bus and flipped out at Tammy. It was pretty funny.

Oops. I’m out of order. Miss Ryan would not approve. I have a hero now too… Up until today, my Aaron was my hero. ( can’t not love the coke dealer… ) (excuse the preceding double negative.) Today, I found a new hero, a true hero. Mr. Harrison. He came to me in a time of dire need and gave me batteries for my calculator. For this, I shall be eternally grateful. In fact, If I weren’t busy writing this crap, I’d be building an alter.

One last thing before the rules and regulations… I removed a 10lb barbell from my backpack and distributed the weight more efficiently… It worked a lot better…

When in the course of computing (or life in general), one becomes pwned, prompt and powerful retaliation is necessary. As my first act of retaliation, I choose to prepend the pwnage with the negation operator. This removes from me the oh so intense pressure and gives me time to think. As my second act, I choose not to act, but to leave the negation as is; A negated pwn surely cannot hurt me and negating the negated pwn would certainly cause a syntax error. It is now in this state, shielded by the power of the Almighty logical negation operator that I choose to formulate a written retaliation in order to deffer all recurrences. [of pwnage]:

Henceforth, random pwns are disallowed. All those wishing to pwn me must submit a typewritten challenge using proper grammar and spelling. The letter must be no less than 2 paragraphs in length. The first paragraph should describe the challenge in detail, while the second should provide me with no less than eleven and a half reasons to accept the challenge. If the challenger fails to figure out how to make half a reason, the challenge will not be reviewed. if ( all requirements are met ) { The challenge will be reviewed. A typewritten response will be produced in no more than twenty three and twenty-six seventy eights hours. } If the challenge is felt to have bias or be otherwise unfair, it will be destroyed by means of fire in no more than thirteen hours [after being reviewed]. All destroyed challenge letters will be engulfed in flames atop the sacred rock. (I’ve yet to find one of those.)

In the event that the challenger wins the challenge, the right to call me pwned is not immediately granted. Pwnage is more than winning. For me to be “pwned”, I must unanimously be deemed “Stopped dead in my tracks” by a panel of upperclassmen judges, (selected by me) which shall be composed of no fewer than two persons. If one has the audacity to make a challenge, he best win; to lose a challenge put forth by one’s self is pathetic, and will, under all circumstances grant me the right to claim I have pwned the challenger.

Furthermore, I reserve the right to do whatever the hell I want. Don’t like it? Tough…

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 4th, 2005 at 1443:53 and is filed under Rants, General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.